


comfort those who suffer

by Lise



Series: Remember This Cold [41]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Clint and Laura Barton's Family, Gen, POV Child, POV Outsider, That's just how I roll, based on another fic, had a lot of fun doing this though, what else do i tag this, writing another POV of a very very short scene in another fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 22:09:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6168532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"[Loki] could feel eyes on his back and turned his head just enough to see that he was being watched – two small pairs of eyes peering around the corner, attempting to be inconspicuous. Lila and Cooper, he remembered – Barton’s children. If he thought a little, he could probably remember their ages, their favorite colors, what sorts of things they liked to do. Lila looks up to Nat, he remembered Barton saying. Calls her Auntie. It made her uncomfortable at first but now I think she loves it. Loki felt an odd pang, wondering if he ought to let on that he could see them. Were they here to observe the meeting, or him specifically?" (from <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5311778/chapters/12263936">hang on (when the water is rising</a>)</p><p>There's a plane in her yard and Avengers at her house. Lila would like to know what's going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	comfort those who suffer

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure what exactly made me decide this was something I needed to write - but I think it was rereading "hang on" recently and noticing the line quoted in the summary and thinking "you know, that's an interesting thing to explore." And decided to write a fic about it. It came basically in one go, to my surprise, and I actually feel pretty good about it overall.
> 
> I realized that last year I posted something on my birthday (in the hobbit tradition of giving gifts to others) and decided to go right ahead with it this year, too. So - happy birthday to me! Enjoy the fic. :D
> 
> (Thank you to my beta, [ameliarating](http://ameliarating.tumblr.com), as usual.)

“Mom,” Lila called, face pressed to the glass of the window. “There’s a plane in our field.”

“There’s a – what?” Her mom came over and looked over her shoulder, and Lila felt her go very still. “Go to your room, Lila.”

“What?” Lila turned around, indignant. “Why? Why is there a plane in our field and why do I have to leave?”

“I don’t know why there’s a plane in our field, honey,” her mom said, “but I’m for sure going to find out.” She had that narrowed-eye look on that she usually only got when she was cranky with daddy. “And you have to go upstairs because I said so. No arguing,” she said when Lila opened her mouth. “It won’t be long. You and Cooper can play a game.”

Lila stuck her lower lip out, but her mom was unmoved. She made a temporary retreat, recognizing a lost battle when she saw one. There was a window upstairs she could look through.

She made a quick stop in Cooper’s room, though, where he was lying on his stomach reading comics. “There’s a plane outside,” she informed him. “You can see it from mom and dad’s bedroom.”

“Don’t make things up,” Cooper said, not looking at her.

“I’m _not,_ ” Lila said, piqued. “Come and see.” She grabbed his arm, and he reluctantly followed her to their parents’ room. It was still there, through the window, and now there were people coming out of it. Lila peered at them, and let out a gasp.

“It’s _daddy!_ ” she said. “And he brought Auntie Nat and the Avengers, I can see Captain America, and Thor, oh my gosh…”

Cooper frowned over her shoulder. “Why would dad bring the Avengers to our house?” he asked. “And why’d he bring a plane?”

“Maybe it’s our plane,” Lila said hopefully. But it did seem a little weird that daddy would just show up with _the Avengers,_ without calling first or anything. Looking closer, they all looked…tired. And a little dirty. Auntie Nat especially. Lila felt little butterflies in her stomach.

“We should go down,” she said. “I want to say hi. I have a drawing for Auntie Nat.” Cooper looked like he was trying to be grown-up, but she could see that he was excited too. “Maybe,” Lila added slyly, “Captain America will let you touch his shield.”

“I’d rather meet War Machine,” Cooper said, hesitating a moment longer. Lila already knew he was going to agree, though, even before he said, “okay, let’s go.”

Lila scampered down the hall to grab her drawing and then ran down the stairs. She almost went to greet her daddy first, but Auntie Nat looked sad, so she went to her instead and gave her the drawing, which made her smile. She got a hug, too, which was a little weird because she smelled like smoke and dirt, but Lila gave her a pass.

“I see how it is,” her daddy said, fake hurt, and Lila grinned and ran over to let him scoop her up off the ground. He kept saying she was getting too big for it, but he also kept doing it. She felt him press his face into her hair and take a deep breath, which felt a little weird but Lila wrinkled her nose and tolerated it.

The Avengers did look dirty, she decided, eyeing them. And unhappy, too. None of them were smiling.

“What is this, Clint,” Captain America said. Up close, she thought, he looked younger than her daddy.

“My family,” her daddy said, and he took a step over toward mom, who had her polite guest smile on even though her eyebrows were still frowning. “No one knows. Fury, me, and Nat, that’s it. And now you.”

Lila listened to this exchange with no small amount of curiosity. She knew that no one was supposed to know that Hawkeye was also their dad, which was a pain because it meant when Joanna was bragging about how her dad was a fancy doctor that Lila couldn’t shut her up by telling her that her dad was a superhero. It hadn’t occurred to her that no one else knew that Clint was their father, and she wasn’t sure she liked it.

There was also too much tension in the room, though, and she didn’t like that either. She fixed her eyes on Captain America and pointed at him. “You’re Cooper’s favorite,” she said, “other than War Machine.”

Cooper, still hanging back with their mom, turned bright red and scowled at her. “Lila!”

Captain America blinked at her, and then looked at Cooper. “Really?” he said, looking a little awkward. “Well. Thanks. I’m flattered.”

Cooper’s face got even redder, but all the adults relaxed a little bit, moving more into the house. Lila thought about telling them to take their shoes off, but her mom wasn’t telling them to, so she decided maybe superheroes were allowed to keep their shoes on.

“Sorry, bean, you’ve gotta go down,” daddy said, and put Lila down before walking over to put his arms around her mom. He closed his eyes for a second, and then said quietly, “he’s here.”

Her mom stiffened. Lila looked at Cooper, wondering if he knew what they were talking about, but he looked as perplexed as she felt. “You mean-”

“Yeah,” Daddy said, voice heavy. “Out in the plane. He, uh. Offered to stay out there.”

Her mom’s jaw got tight and she looked angry, _really_ angry, for just a second. “Well, good,” she said. “I wouldn’t have let him in the house anyway. I know where the-” She paused, and seemed to realize that both Lila and Cooper were listening intently.

“Cooper,” she said, “can you set the table for our guests? Use the nice napkins. Lila-”

“Why don’t you go spend some time with Auntie Nat,” Daddy broke in. “She’s missed you.”

Lila brightened, but she was not entirely deterred. Cooper got there first. “Who’s ‘he’?” He asked. Mom and Daddy exchanged a significant glance, and Lila thought they weren’t going to tell them, but then mom nodded a little and Daddy dropped down to their level, looking serious.

“You know how, back during the fight in New York, the bad guy, Loki-”

“He kidnapped you, but Auntie Nat got you back,” Lila said. It had been scary at the time – _really_ scary – but now it was far enough away that it seemed a little bit exciting. And Auntie Nat _had_ saved him. Daddy got an odd look on his face, though.

“Yeah,” he said. “Right. Well…” He seemed to struggle. Cooper’s eyes got huge and round.

“ _He’s_ here?” he said, and it took Lila a moment to catch up but then she looked toward the plane in the field, which suddenly seemed menacing and dangerous.

“Hey, hey,” Daddy said. “It’s fine. It’s – uh. He’s.” He squeezed his eyes closed for a moment and grimaced. “Good now. Sort of.”

Cooper looked confused. “What?”

“I don’t really get it either, kid,” Daddy said. “But trust me – I never would’ve brought him here if I didn’t think you guys would be completely safe. All right? Cross my heart.”

Lila frowned, still skeptical. She had only seen grainy photos of Loki on the computer, but he’d grown in her nightmares into a towering, shadowy figure with a sinister laugh.

But she trusted Daddy, and even if he was wrong she knew her mom would take care of them. And maybe he _was_ good now. Maybe they’d sent him to alien space jail and he’d realized that kidnapping and hurting people was wrong, so he’d stopped doing it. Lila was not entirely certain how that all worked.

She settled on something she did know how to do, and went to grab a stack of paper and some crayons to coax Auntie Nat into coloring with her, giving Cooper a gloating look that _he_ had to do the chore.

* * *

Dinner was okay, though everyone seemed pretty quiet, and for some reason Thor was gone. That was a little upsetting to Lila, who had hoped to find out if he could sign her Thor shirt, but she could only sulk for so long.

After dinner – and they didn’t even have to do dishes, Captain America didn’t even ask, just picked up a towel and started drying – Mom ushered them upstairs and into their rooms. “The Avengers need to talk about work stuff,” she said. “You can have an extra half hour of video game time. _Just this once._ ”

Cooper went to the game room and gamely picked up the console, then set it down again and turned to face Lila. “Why do you think Mom wants us out of the way?” He asked. Lila shrugged.

“Just grown up stuff. They want to be private.”

“I don’t think that’s all.” Cooper looked around like someone was listening, and leaned forward. “I heard Mom and Dad talking. Something about Loki. I think they were saying he was going to come inside, for the meeting.”

Lila felt like her eyes were going to pop out of her head. “Are you _serious?_ ” She asked, skin prickling. She felt all shivery, thinking about that, sort of the fun way like when Micah told ghost stories but also sort of not. But she was _brave,_ like Auntie Nat. Lila squared her shoulders. “I wanna see.”

Cooper stared at her and shook his head hard. “No way!” He said. “We’d get in such huge trouble, and, and-”

“You’re _scared,_ ” Lila said, a little meanly. “Scaredy-cat Cooper.”

He turned red again. He did that a lot. “Am not! I’m just saying-”

“Daddy said he’s good now,” Lila said. “So it’s totally safe, and no one’s going to catch us if we’re fast and sneaky.” She leaned forward, kicking her feet. “Come _on,_ Cooper.”

Cooper worked his jaw from side to side, frowning. “We won’t even be able to tell anyone, probably,” he said.

“Yeah, but we’ll know.” Lila hopped up. “ _I’m_ going to go. You can do what you want.” She walked toward the door with more confidence than she really felt. _Everyone’s always pretending to know what they’re doing,_ Auntie Nat said. _You just have to pretend better than everyone else._

Cooper followed her, as she’d known he would. Together, they crept down the stairs. She could hear them talking, something about an _Ultron_ and a _scepter._ She reached the bottom of the stairs, dodging the creaky one third from the bottom, and peered around the edge.

She could see Auntie Nat, and Uncle Nick behind her, looking scowlier than usual. She couldn’t quite see Daddy, and there was Captain America, and the quiet guy she thought must be Bruce Banner, though he didn’t really look much like a Hulk.

Which left one person, standing with his back to them, unidentified. Lila kept herself from shrinking back, wishing she could see more. All she could tell from here was that he was really tall and wearing a lot of black leather. He had black hair, too, almost down to his shoulders.

“Could you track it like you did with the scepter?” Captain America was saying.

“Possibly,” an unfamiliar voice said, and Lila almost jumped a little when she realized it was Loki. He had a little bit of an accent. English, sort of. It wasn’t an evil sounding voice, Lila reflected. Maybe it had sounded eviler when he was evil.

“Possibly?” That was Daddy, and he sounded sharp, unhappy. Lila felt bad for him, wished she could go out and give him a hug. She’d stick her tongue out at Loki to show him she wasn’t afraid. She glanced at Cooper to see if he was as indignant as she was.

“He’s smaller than I thought he’d be,” Cooper whispered. Lila looked back at him and could see what he was talking about. He was tall, but skinny, like a beanpole. The thought made her want to giggle and she put a hand over her mouth.

Loki was talking again. “You expect I might have some insight into this creature’s intentions because of our common villainy?” He asked, in sort of a weird way, like he was joking but not exactly. He sounded…bothered. Lila puzzled over that. It was a little weird, hearing the shadow of her nightmares sound offended, like being thought of as a bad guy was annoying.

Though, she thought, maybe it would be. If you were bad but then you turned good…it wouldn’t be very fun to have people reminding you of how you were evil once all of the time. She felt briefly a little sorry for Loki. Only briefly, though. Her loyalty was with Daddy, and even if he _was_ good now Loki’d still hurt him.

“I wish he’d turn around,” she whispered to Cooper, who shook his head.

“He’d see us,” he hissed. Lila found that prospect a little thrilling. She fixed her eyes on Loki’s back and thought _turn around, turn around._

His head turned like he’d heard her, and she ducked quickly back behind the wall, then peeped out again. He didn’t seem to be looking right at her, more like he was listening for something, so she took the opportunity to study his face. He was really, really pale, she noticed. And looked kind of sick. She wondered if he had cancer and that was why he’d turned good: Mrs. Harnett had been mean and nasty until she’d gotten cancer and gave all her money away. “Trying to make things right in her soul,” Mom called it.

“He doesn’t look like an alien,” she whispered.

“Neither does Thor,” Cooper pointed out. That was funny too. Weren’t they supposed to be related somehow? They didn’t look anything like each other.

Mostly, though, Lila decided, Loki looked sad. Not like he was going to cry or anything, just sort of…sad. It made Lila frown. She supposed probably someone who’d done bad things _should_ be sad, but that wasn’t very satisfying.

“Come on,” Cooper said, tugging on her arm. “Let’s go! We’re gonna get caught if we stay here any longer!”

Reluctantly, Lila let him pull her away up the stairs. She’d gotten to see Loki, Lila supposed; that had been her mission.

Still, she found success sort of unsatisfying.

* * *

After everyone left, Lila crawled into bed with her mom and cuddled up to her. It was getting hard with her belly in the way, her little brother Nathaniel taking up all her cuddling space, but it was still comforting.

“Mom,” she asked, “why do people do bad things?”

Her mom was quiet for a minute, stroking Lila’s hair. “Is this about…Loki being here?”

“Sort of,” Lila hedged, and then admitted. “Yeah.”

Her mom exhaled. “I don’t know that anyone ever really knows why people do the things they do,” she said. “There’s all kinds of reasons. People dedicate their whole lives to studying that kind of thing. I guess sometimes…people are scared, or hurt, and they lash out. Or people think it’ll make them feel better to hurt other folks. And sometimes…I don’t know. Sometimes it seems like there’s no reason. Maybe they’re confused, or sick, or angry.”

“But people like that,” Lila said. “Can they change? Be…not bad?”

“Oh, heck,” Mom said. “I’m not awake enough for these big questions, sweetheart. I don’t know. Maybe. Some people’d say that there’s no such thing as a bad person, only bad deeds. I don’t know that I see the difference. I guess…maybe anyone can change. Lord knows.” She paused. “Here’s the thing, though – just because someone changes doesn’t mean the bad stuff they did goes away. It’s still there. People are still hurt. And they don’t have to forgive or whatever until they’re ready.” Her mom said that last part with ferocity that surprised Lila a little. She chewed on her lip, taking that in.

“Do you think Daddy’s going to forgive Loki?” She asked. “I mean, if he really is good now, and not just pretending?”

“I don’t know,” her mom said, after a long pause. She sighed. “You’d better ask your Daddy that, when he comes home.”

Lila thought about that a little longer. “Could I?” she asked. “Forgive him. If I wanted to?”

Her mom was quiet again, one hand still petting Lila’s hair, the other on her belly. “That’s your choice to make,” she said finally. “It’s not my business to tell you what to do about that. It’s up to you.”

Lila nodded. “Can I touch?” She asked, and when her mom nodded put both her hands on her stomach, hoping to feel her little brother move. Frowning. “I don’t,” she said eventually. “I don’t think. But I might, eventually.” She looked down. “If I did bad stuff I’d want someone to forgive me.”

“Sweetheart,” her mom said gently. “You’d never do anything like – what _he_ did. You just don’t have it in you.”

“Maybe his mom said that about him once, though,” Lila said, looking up. “But something still happened, and…I’m just saying.”

Her mom sighed. “You’re a good kid, Lila Barton,” she said, sounding tired. “A good kid with a big heart. Like your Daddy that way.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” Lila asked.

“Yeah, kiddo. It’s a good thing.”


End file.
